Thursday, December 18, 2008

Direction: Forward. Destination: Known.

Blogging has had a unique and unexpected effect on me. Entering into this monologue has caused me to pay attention to the unbridled thoughts and wishes of someone who, strangely enough, I don’t listen to very often. That person is me. Up until now, I have been able to whisper my aims and not hear them. I was able to swat away that buzzing fly that was reminding me that I should be doing something to attain my life’s ambitions. I could tell myself that I would start working toward my goals soon, perhaps even tomorrow, yet forget about trying moments after. This condition has not materialized because of some quality of selflessness within me, but is a result of fear. Fear of failure. Fear that I would begin on the path only to trip, fall, and cease in defeat. Fear that I could not accomplish my objective has caused me to remain stagnate, insuring that I never would reach my targets. That is, until now…

I cannot explain why my return to movement was triggered by writing in a blog. It seems silly. Perhaps it is because, in writing this blog, I have had to exercise cognitive thought on who it is I am. Maybe it is because I no longer have my invented excuse of not being able to quite hear myself. Whatever the reason, it matters not. Not only have I discovered this kinesis, I have continued in it and I plan to continue continuing in it. No, I have not reached any of the goals I aspire to grasp, but I do see them on the horizon. They are getting ever nearer I am moving in mind and body.

Hopefully there are others who are as strange as me who can benefit from these ramblings. You are welcome to accompany me on this journey. But, I write and post these words now with no expectations or concerns of them being read by another soul. I write and post these words to continue my kinesis. Movement attained.